trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
