Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
