He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
