wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
