I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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