Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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