and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
