I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
