Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
