dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
