and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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