wake up i wanna do it froggy style
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
