Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
