u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
