I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Your cock deserves a montage
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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