I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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