last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
