so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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