I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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