i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
