he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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