you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
