I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She told me I should be a condom model.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
