There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
operation have a gay friend backfired
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
