I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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