Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
