I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
