She's like a pop up book from hell.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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