I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
