So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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