Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize