So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
