i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
