What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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