I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
