if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
it's like heaven, but drunker
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED