I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Found the puke drawer
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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