i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
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I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
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the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?