I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag