It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information