If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues