You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?