I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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