i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i came on her dog
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
