i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
