i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
