I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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