why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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