Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
only you would photoshop your dick
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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