roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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