True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My liver is preforming stress tests.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
