forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Operation Purity has been aborted
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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