I must be too annoying 4 u.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
