Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
