Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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