worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
