is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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