i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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