Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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