Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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