Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize