I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
