you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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