how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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