peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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