I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
