My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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