She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
