Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
