I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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