so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
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I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
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Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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