i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
