I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I wear drunk well.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
