I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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