if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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